About an hour later I woke up from a dream of writing THIS article. Here it is, just the way it came to me in my dream:

Each great thing that was ever built started with something that had the greatness, as a potential only.

Most didn’t look like the start of something great. Many times it was a comedy of errors and their correction that took someone to something big.

But, you say, we are always told to create with the big picture in mind… Oh yes, that one. I know that well. The misunderstanding of that notion has robbed me of many successes…

The misunderstanding of that principle has rendered me undecisive, unresponsive, tentative, or jumping from one sure thing to another.

Imagine if the tree thought that every seed it is producing must become a big tree… it would be so afraid of living, it would start to shrink and refuse to go to seed. The prospect of so many wasted seeds would kill the tree’s aliveness and creativity.

No, greatness is a potential, dormant in every little seed, and with enough great little seeds produced, one of them may become a big tree…

Let’s look at MY story.

Back in 1988 I found myself unemployed from architecture, and unemployable at the same time… don’t ask me why, I won’t tell.

I was spending quite a few months depressed, going to self help programs, 12-step, Werner Erhard and Associates, etc. … barely having 3-day worth of work a month to live on.

I couldn’t think of anything to do… I was too entrenched in being an architect. At some point, I did an exercise from the “What Color Is Your Parachute” and found that what I wanted to do, that caused me pleasure, is “put ink on paper and communicate.”

I took it literally at the time, and thought advertising or publishing.

I didn’t know much of either.

I went and apprenticed (free) with a small printer for a while, and learned some stuff, bought a letter press with some letters, wrote advertising in mail order magazines… to sell some pyramid schemes… and then when I really needed some money to earn, I wrote a letter to the two throw-away magazines in my area, asking if they had a job opening for publisher’s apprentice.

One of them called and said that such a job didn’t exist but I could start selling advertising. No “draw” (salary), only commission. Does that put me closer to publishing, I asked, and the guy said yes. I took the job.

I was trained by another salesperson. We visited a few stores in my town–typical advertisers in that paper. We sold 5 small ads that day. I say “we”, but I think it was her. That day completed my training. Next day I walked back to the business area of my little town, and found that by the time I got there, the training salesperson had driven there and sold them, or attempted to. I had no wheels, and soon I had no hope.

I called the other magazine, and bragged that I had sold 7 ads my first week for their competitor… they were impressed. They gave me a 200 dollar advance, and a beat up car with a gas card.

I worked my butt off, sold ads, delivered magazines, partook in every office meeting, went to the printer, went to the typesetter, collected monies… two months later, I was put in charge of designing the ads and laying out the magazine. Two more months later I was offered a partnership in the magazine. Still, my best week I made $400… I didn’t have many good weeks.

I worked 20 hours a day 7 days a week… I was bossy, I was certain, I was “dynamic”, I was disrespectful… 5 months later I was offered the choice to resign, or… blackmail. I resigned. No-brainer.

That same evening I called all the advertisers in my care, the typesetting company and the printer with the same question: Would you take a chance on me for one issue? They all said yes, so next day there was a brand new magazine born, printed and delivered.

I made money with the first issue, and with every issue thereafter. More than $400 a week. :-)

That magazine, through the time, became 90-thousand circulation strong, and I published it for 11 years.

Now, there are two lessons in this story: 1. I first looked what it is that I love so much that I would do it for free (putting ink on paper and communicate) and 2. I was willing to fumble through phases that didn’t seem to go anywhere, and I was rewarded through small corrective steps, with a business I loved.

When I watch internet marketing, I see many thousands who never get started. They got attracted to the visions of greatness (millions of dollars) but are unable or unwilling to start where one needs to start in fear of starting at the wrong place.

I have had coaching clients that were so afraid of making the wrong move, that they never got started… that is until I made them do stuff…

I have had coaching clients that wanted to do internet marketing, but hated every aspect of it… and sucked at it too… of course.

I have had coaching clients that thought that without any skills they can make millions and they never actually learned anything…

Remember, childhood was to learn skills, without the significance. At least in most countries… of course, in the US kids must perform early on, sports are not skill builders, but opportunities to be big… which teaches us early on that we were supposed to be born with the skills we need, and if we weren’t, then we are doomed.

The same applies in business. You need to play first in the sandbox, and build some easy structures, without the significance. Write an article here, a blogpost there, a salesletter here, make a video there, copy and rewrite an ebook, just to practice the structure… Just to get a feel what you like to do. What you are good at.

Every guru you meet started that way.

My current favorite, Eben Pagan, wrote an ebook, full of typos, and that’s how he started his now 20 million dollars a year empire, 7 years ago. He wrote about something he knew something about: seduction. Something that he was personally very interested in… he desperately wanted companionship…

He has made it big. With a topic like that. He learned as he went. He had mentors, teachers, mastermind partners every step of the way. It wasn’t a straight path… not in the least.

You can do it too. Just start getting that every tree came from a seed sometimes as tiny as a pinhead, and then grew. It went through the phases… It didn’t come out a tree at once. It was a seedling for a long time.

They are a great way for me to track how the methodologies and principles I use in my teaching work. I mean, how effective I am, how effective the methods are. They track my ability to make a difference in the world. (Someone please remind me to write about how I view my making a difference… ok?)

This note reads

Today was a huge success. I did not even recognize myself. I was attempting to have a conversation with my sister when she became extreamly agressive upon trying to control me and failing. She was in my face yelling and pacing around in circles. I remained calm and did not attempt to defend myself as the lies flew at me. I was able to stick to the subject and not accuse. At this point her husband jumped in and tried to intimidate me, pointing his finger in my face and yelling. They both looked like mad men ganging up on me. I did not raise my voice or get emotional. This is the first time in my life I had no fear in a confrontaional situation and it felt GREAT! To be honest I think it frightened my sister & her husband. They did not know what to think of me, I have had many weaknesses in the past but now I am strong.

This person, let’s call her Josephine (not her real name) was given up for adoption at an early age. A loving couple with two children over 10, adopted her.

The birth children never accepted her as a sibling.

In her mind, in her thinking, in her words, she was abandoned by her mother. She put together a strategy of being meek, never speaking up for herself, always seeking approval, taking care of everyone, etc. to prevent the “inevitable”, being put out, casted out, not wanted…

She is a bright and sprightly 50 year old today, with children that disapprove of her, with a nasty divorce behind her, where the ex never paid a dime child support, etc.

She could have continued living this movie, except the soul has been banging, nudging her, so she decided to become her own person.

She got “thought shifted” by Pam Ragland and started to work with me.

We started with the automatic statement of “being abandoned by the mother” and changed it to “her mother loved her so much she wanted her a better life she herself could provide her”.

We did not stop there (most methodologies do!) and started to build “legs” to this (this is the way I express that instead of something being just an idea, like possibility in Landmark, etc. we create actions and behaviors and attitudes consistent with that new being, so that it can become a sequel to one’s movie, unlike the original script).

We went, and created new ways of being, new attitudes and new behaviors in different, specific to her, situations. Ways of being, attitudes, and behaviors that are “informed by” and based upon this new story, that she had a loving mother who wanted the best for her, and she was indeed lucky, her new parents loved her dearly.

We invented a new way to behave when her children chided her for her view of the world. Instead of choosing to be wrong, or making them wrong for thinking differently, she learned to say simply: “I understand you have a different point of view from mine. That does not make you wrong, or doesn’t make you right. We just have a different point of view”

We invented a new way to behave with her siblings, especially her sister. Earlier this year their mother died and left a large inheritence equally distributed among the three children, natural or adopted. The natural daughter is refusing to release Josephie’s inheritence. She is feverishly trying to spend the money to not have to give any money to the adopted one.

The note said it better than I could ever say: Josephine stood up to her sister and brother in law, and will do whatever she needs to do to get the money her parents left for her.

Inconsistent with the early story? You betcha! That is the point! Create a new personality and have your future be by your choosing.

I won’t go there… writing a book is way too long for my ADHD personality.

But there is one teacher, who I admire, Colin Wilson (of “Outsider” and “The Mind Parasites” fame, who wrote a book, “The Books In My Life” where he strung about 15 essays into a book, and I learned more from the writers he speaks of than I would have learned, had I read the original books.

So this is definitely a worthwhile endeavor, and I’ll see if I can do something on a much smaller scale. (Colin Wilson wrote 84 books in a short 30 years… I have written articles that would fill one book… Now you have it.)

Anyway, one of my teachers is Colin Wilson himself, another one is Robert Fritz. I was also in Landmark Education for 20 years, the Kabbalah Centre for almost 5 years, T. Harv Eker for the past 3 years, Pam Ragland for the past year…

To be continued… ADHD kicked in… I’ve got to go :-)

But before I go… who were the teachers that you would like to share?

Listen if you can recognize yourself in these stories:

A lot of my clients find themselves in a trap…

For example, they make a mistake. They are frustrated. Or they are scared. Or they are angry. Or they are devastated. Even suicidal.

They say to themselves: Here I go again!… I am never going to get it right! I better give up while I am ahead! I am stupid! I am a loser! and on and on and on I could go with the examples how people abuse themselves.

Other times someone compliments them, and their ego swells, and they feel that they are good looking, a winner, well liked, smart, even brilliant.

Often, someone else makes a mistake, and they decide that the other person is no good, and isn’t worth investing their time into whatever they were doing together.

Parents do this to their kids all the time. My parents did it to me too…

I was dyslexic and I was near sighted… Reading was not my strong suit, in fact I didn’t really learn to read until I was about 9 years old. I figured out a method of stabilize my head, block out the peripheral vision, and then, and only then, I could read… if I was calm enough, if no one was watching, etc.

Until this day, my knee jerk reaction, to everything, is smart/stupid. I am not alone, right?Eight years ago I had a health issue and I had to be operated on. I had no money, no insurance, so a doctor operated on me as a favor to his friend who was my client.The operation didn’t go too well, and I came out of it with serious vertigo, and as it turned out later, a massive drop in my I.Q. I call it brain damage, though it was never diagnosed, because I wowed never set foot in a doctor’s office again.

Some intellectual functions were untouched, but basic survival functions were seriously limited. I could not figure out simple things, what to do first, and what to do second, I could not combine change to pay for the toll on the highway, it was bad.

I could drive. And one day my truck broke down and luckily I wasn’t alone. We called AAA and a tow truck came to pick us up.

The truck driver, a good looking lad around 30, was obviously retarded. Happy, talkative, but a simpleton.

I asked how he managed to be so happy. He said: when made mistakes as a child, his mother never called him names, simply said: “You just made an error in judgment.” So he never told himself that he was stupid, or he couldn’t, or any of the crap we tell ourselves… he grew up a happy man, useful in the world, fairly successful as well. Nowadays making a living is success in and of itself. Coupled with happiness: a big success.

I found his story very inspiring. I remembered that I used to be smart, and I set out to come back to that. It took me 4 years, and today I am as smart as I used to be.

So what is the point, you ask?

If and when you can tell apart who you are (an unlimited being in physical form) and who you are being in the moment (even if that moment is a long one!) then you can easily return to who you really are, smart, powerful, generous, kind, loving… and won’t be trapped by your own judgment of you.

Do you have a story to tell? Please don’t hesitate to tell us in the comment form. We would all like to learn from story.

Sophie

Most of us interpret the Law of Attraction as a kind of “Cosmic Soup Kitchen” where you sit at a table, a waitperson comes and takes your order, and then you wait for your order to come.

Sometimes your order comes, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you get something totally different, something that you didn’t want.

Some people’s order comes faster than yours, some others’ slower, or never.

It all seems random, and capricious. Like the Universe is playing a game with you.

Frustrating to most, happy and great for some. It seems like there are chosen people, or lucky, and something invisible marks YOU as the one who should never get ahead, never get what you want.

You follow the instructions in The Secret, and still nothing.

You can taste the sweet success as you are playing it in your mind’s eye, over and over again. Still, Nothing.

I will turn to MY major source of wisdom, the Kabbalah, or the Book of Splendor (The Zohar).
Why? Because it has an answer that I have seen working, all the time.

The answer to this above dilemma is explained in the scene where Moses is leading the Israelites out of Egypt, they reach the shores of the Red Sea, and the Pharaoh’s army is in close pursuit, breathing down their neck.

The Israelites drop on their knees, and cry out to The Creator. A voice comes out of nowhere and says:

Why are you praying? Go into the water!

Moses and the Israelites start walking into the water, that gets deeper and deeper, until it reaches their chin. Then they walk some more, and the waters split, and they can walk across to the other side.When the Pharaoh’s army gets there, the waters already seal themselves, and the Israelites are safe.

Interesting story, but it is much more than a story. It is the key to activating the Law of Attraction: after you pleace your “order” in the “Cosmic Kitchen,” you need to get into action with certainty, that what you ordered is a done deal.

That act of certainty and courage is what finally activates the Law. Waiting won’t.

Now, I know that the missing piece is really, really, really, courage. Or better with capitized: Courage.

I have been of the opinion, after coaching thousands, that the world suffers from courage deficiency.

Courage deficiency is much like calcium deficiency… you cannot assimilate calcium if you don’t have Vitamin C, or if your stomach acid is too weak. And you will flush your calcium if you don’t have some other minerals… I can’t remember, maybe Magnesium?

The same is with Courage. What is taking up the space that Courage should occupy? I say: Fear. I say: mostly unidentified Fear. Because, at least some of us, idle, not acting courageously, don’t know we are afraid. We seem to be reasonable, justified by the economy, by lack of time, lack of knowledge, whatever.

If we knew we are afraid, we would at least have a choice about summoning courage…

In my absolutely favorite movie, “Defending Your Life” our hero, played by Albert Brooks, accidentally activates Courage, by seeing that he will spend of the rest of his lives without Julia, played by Merryl Streep, and that is so unbearable, that his courage kicks in, maybe the first time in his life. But it changes how things go from there… he gets what he always wished for, the girl of his dreams.

Now, we could all wait for a circumstance like that, or activate Courage by being a Powerful Manager ™ in your own life.

Let’s return to the imagery I set up with Moses and the Red Sea: I had a realization today, that my MO (modus operandi) is such that I need to be thrown into the water, and THEN I “invent” swimming. Planning and then acting is not my MO.

But unfortunately, for the most part, there is no one to throw you into the water. So you need to do it… So that is my / your next step, to become brilliant at that…

Because going into the water is not an event: every day, when you wake up, you need to do it again.

I call this being a Powerful Manager(tm) in your life: put yourself into a situation where it is either swim or sink… and then start swimming. The style of swimming won’t matter: only that you swim.

Your instinct will kick in, and you will swim and “take it home” whatever you were going after. The Universal Law of Attraction activates itself with that courageous act of throwing yourself into the water.

What seems to be YOUR biggest stumbling block to activating The Law Of Attraction? Use the comment form to share…

Some 44 years ago, when I was in high school, and a celebrity of sorts, I was presented with a lesson that did not land until just today.

Back in 1963, my friend, Pamacs an I, applied to a talent show. She sang, I sang, she could strum the guitar, I was an accomplished guitar player. We opted to sing two Neil Sedaka songs, in English, instead of my native Hungarian. We stayed in the competition for quite a few rounds, and became everyone’s favorite Bambi.

Duo, as we called ourselves. I have seen photos taken from the Television show, and we looked sweet, fresh, and just adorable.

Everyone who watched TV watched that show: that was the only TV station in Hungary, back in the olden days ;-)

Every Saturday, Pamacs showed up at our house, and we went dancing. She danced the whole evening, I danced maybe two

songs. At the end of the night hordes of boys wanted to walk her home, no one cared about me. I was prettier than Pam. I was dumbfounded…

Fast forward a few years… a few months ago Pam got in touch with me: the magic of the Internet.

She now lives in London, married to a famous and absolutely smashing guy, step mother of an Oscar Best Actress winner, has a striving psychology counseling practice.

I am not married (have never been), live alone, so you see, the story continued as it started. What is the difference between Pam and myself? If you guessed: her personality, you guessed it right.

So that means that I am screwed, right?

Now, I happen to agree with you, but we are both wrong.
Potentially…

Because in my new course, to be released soon, “Design Your Winning Personality” I have good news for you! You are not stuck with your personality, warts and all… You have built it, you can build another one. One that will get you what you want, the right guy/gal, the right job, the right connections, the right income, the right mood: happiness.

Let me ask you a question: if you could change anything about yourself: what would you change? What do you think would happen different in your life, if you could successfully changed that?

Please post a comment below.

Looking forward to hearing your answers.

xoxo Sophie

PS: In my next post I will write about a real-life example, another friend of mine’s… how she changed from a needy wallflower to a married, happy, successful architect.

Tags: personality,+persona,+character,+nice+person, winning, persona, the+face+of+your+business, mindset, change

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