I feel like a winner

As far as I remember, I've always wanted to be a winner. Why? Because I felt like a loser.

Just an interesting aside... after writing the whole post, at this point my wordpress crashed and I lost everything I wrote. I have autosave off... silly me. So what does a winner do? I don't know for sure, I tell you what I did: I'll write the whole thing again, not from memory, but like I have never done it before. Why? Because when I started this post, I committed to sharing the insight I got, so you too can become a winner. Yaaay!

Anyway... I left off where I am sharing, that today, specifically this morning, even more specifically about 30 minutes ago, I had a distinct giddy feeling that I am being a winner. And then the thought came: it seems that winner as a feeling comes coupled with winner as an activity... not as an actuality, mind you, you may not win the game but because you have been competing, you have been winning, against the tiredness, the obstacles, the common attitude of "why bother".

This is how it all started: A few months ago, in Robert Plank's class, I saw that with just a little effort and speed, one can become a winner. If you just posted your intention first, it didn't matter when you completed that task, you automatically became the winner.

So I watched the webinars, had a text doc ready with the word: challenge on top, and waited for the challenge to be spelled out. I typed as Robert typed, and in another browser window I was ready to post my challenge. It took 3-4 weeks before Jeanette Cates caught up to me, then Helen Raptoplous... but I got the bug. The bug of ambition, competitiveness, the desire to win. Then I heard someone say "entrepreneurs must be competitive" and suddenly it made sense.

You see, I grew up in a Holocaust survivor family in Hungary, and my parents, especially my mother, were against standing out, against being visible, against any competition. Maybe that's why when I won math competitions she didn't bother to congratulate me. Or singing competitions. Or physics competitions. Or being admitted to architecture school with the highest score... or becoming the third woman ever to become a master bricklayer, so that I can build houses not just design them, and the list goes on.

It seemed that no amount of winning will make my mother love me, so somehow, somewhere, I gave up. I settled for a life of quiet desperation, dreaming of winning but never actually putting myself in the position to win.

I didn't realize that you need a challenge to win... no challenge, no winning, no winner, no energy, no nothing.

OK. What happens when you give yourself over to a challenge? Because it is clear that your usual slow as molasses attitude will not win you any prizes... challenge or no challenge.

hm, I must be up against some strong force, the blog crashed for the third time this morning... write, lose it, write lose it, oh well... I am not giving up

What seems to be happening is quite miraculous.

All your cells, all your brain waves, all your focus start to play the same "tune", which is just another way of saying that there seems to be a sudden and unusual coherence, where the sum of the parts does not even begin to express the whole.

You are smarter. You are meticulous. You are calm. You are, like a precision well oiled machine is able to reach the moon.

This phenomenon is rare, but it is real. Like the mother who lifts a car that pinned her son. She is 120 lbs and the car is 600. Her whole self organizes itself, in that moment, to accomplish that one task:lifting the car.

I am familiar with it in the day before my leaving for a trip. I create and accomplish tasks that come from a sudden creativity I would be silly to ignore. I manage to communicate, back-up my files, prep my laptop, check all details, pack, feed my cats, do the laundry, do the dishes, lower the thermostat... a thousand details, all done, never missing anything. I don't like traveling but love the day or two before.

I love being in this hightened state. But until now, I didn't know how to cause it at will.

But now, thanks to Robert Plank and his challenging me, I have learned it and there is no way back!

These have been the phases of my learning:

  1. I attempted to be the first to post my challenge in webinars
  2. I worked furiously to accomplish the tasks in the challenges... lots of mess, including my famous or infamous kunaki video
  3. I signed up to am2 gold and had to listen to Robert challenging me to complete the 100 point challenge to get into Platinum. Little does he know that the fee for platinum is way higher than what I can wing right now, but who knows, maybe with all this challenge stuff I'll make some money in the end? lol
  4. I managed to get 11 points approved. it took me two weeks.
  5. I heard that you can win five big ones if you have 65 points approved by Armand Morin Live. I am going for it.
  6. I work days, I work nights, I work holidays, it's hopeless, but I am not giving up.
  7. I apply to the "better your best" contest, due by October of 2010. I am at about 800 dollars a month now. I apply in the category of increasing revenue and bottom line. I see myself a 100K earner by the deadline. That should do it, going from almost beginner to almost top 2-3 percent... let's do it.
  8. I don't know if it is points of percentages, so at the submission deadline I submit 67%. 54 gets approved. the rest declined. Quick decision time: is it an oh-well, or is it a hell-no? I choose hell-no, and keep on working. I resubmit most of those, all that I have the means to correct now.

This was the exact point where I had the insight. You see, being a winner sounds like a pure state of mind. But if you look behind the curtain, there is a lot going on that must be there for this delicious sense to be there: ambition, risk-taking, commitment, dedication, but most importantly putting yourself in the position of winning and in the position of not winning, i.e. losing, failing, visibly, to all to know that I am not perfect.

As if they didn't already know. lol

Gratitude, Ambition, Competitiveness, Success.

I have been experiencing a big jolt, a big push towards success lately.

I am training people to become Internet Marketers, and in the process I am becoming one myself.

Teaching something that you haven't accomplished is quite an excellent process, if you can stay in the inquiry, instead of pretending that you have it together. The latter would lead to misinformation, lying, fraud, and the whole nine yards.

Telling the truth that you have some tools, you have a commitment, and you don't know your a-ss from your elbow, is a better way to play this "game." This is how I play, and it's been working out for all parties. It's not smooth, but then, no learning is smooth: any learning worth a dime includes breaking out of tiny boxes, breaking out of the prison of what you already know, painful, and not smooth at all.

I am going to share some of my recent insights in this article: something I haven't even formulated in my head, so pray that it comes out right, ok?

I did a course 22 years ago that I learned to add "thank you" to every check I write, whether it is my rent check, or a commission check... all the same. I have been doing it for ever, and it has managed to change my relationship to money: money is a communication device to say thank you. I am not kidding you, money is little thank you notes.

Whenever a commission notice hits my inbox, I say "thank you."

I have become a grateful person. I even whisper inside "I don't deserve it" to avoid the transaction part, the deal part, the "I gave this to you, and I earned that money" thought, that degrades all of life into the low vibration of commerce. Machiavelli, and the like.

In my 20 years in Landmark I was working diligently to live for some possibility that is waaay beyond me... and I got poorer and poorer in the process.

Something was missing. From Kabbalah I learned that it was desire, it was being able to harness the ego, to use its energy, for something that is worth being, doing and having. Result? Trying. And you know what trying is? A code word for nothing. Not doing. Not succeeding.

Backtrack to May of this year: I was asked to coach a group of people who signed up to a course I had done. To the best of my knowledge, that course never produced anyone who made a penny with their efforts as a result of participating.

I decided (ego) to create the first group that does... and that was the very first time in my life that I started to travel on the back of ego, get energy from ego, but yet, act in the interest of many, including mine.

To be armed with more knowledge... hey, I know what I know and what I don't! I enrolled in a webinar series called "Product University" with Robert Plank and Lance Tamashiro. I lucked out. Their course was something different, not your usual information delivery system, it was actually a course with course work, challenges, the chance to win or lose.

I was so impressed that I took, concurrently, another class with these two guys, "Webinar Crusher".

My desire to want to achieve something started to be awakened. In their next course, "Video Sales Letters 2.0" I found myself wanting to win challenges, wanting to be the first: competitiveness, one of the most important characteristics of an entrepreneur, surfaced. By now, in their "Membership Cube" I am fiercely competitive, passionately ambitious, asking for help, setting hard to accomplish goals... and in front of you is a newly born, healthy human being who shredded all the self sacrifice, all the "I don't matter", all the b.s. some religions and some self-help programs teach, to the detriment of the participants.

It takes energy to accomplish anything. It takes spiritual energy. When you suppress it or leak it (by being a rescuer or helper) you are not helping anyone. You are helping the Dark Side, the part of life that is not affirming to Life.

I always cringed from people who preach "Love" or "Luv", but it takes one to know one. I don't cringe any more, I have nothing in common with them.

I am now of the firm belief that I need to become big, give all I got, become the best and most I can become, that is the way I can help the most people.

And I now trust that the newfound ambition and competitiveness will help me through all the stopping points, all the sticking points, all the "walls" I have been stopped by: you need a lot of energy to accomplish anything meaningful.

Giving up being a helper/rescuer is giving me enough energy for that.

Failure? Consider instead: It doesn't hit the mark

If you wanted to hit a target with a gun, what would you do?

You probably keep on shooting at it until you hit it...

If you were more sophisticated, then you would make sure you track in which direction you missed it... left, right, down or up.

The next shot would be to compensate for the miss... and then after a little while of compensation you would be able to hit the target, reliably, and every time.

What happens if you react to your first miss because someone says... "that's garbage" by becoming depressed, withdrawn, giving up, sulking... however you react other than starting to bracket to find the target with your bullet.

Game is over. Right? Or maybe you are going to do this with another target, miss it, go into the reaction, maybe try a third target... and the story goes on and on.

I want you to be sophisticated, and consider, that no matter what anyone says, missing the target is just that: Missing the target. which should be your clue of starting the process of bracketing, compensating, until you get it right. You may have to do this with anything new you do, but there are only so many new things... and before you know it, you'll be successful.