When and How You Should Argue with Your Coach?

This is important, and I hope everyone gets it.

As a coach, I often experience people taking my remarks as criticism, and are compelled to protect or defend themselves. I normally "fire them" as clients. Why? Because they are missing the point. And I am not about wasting my "Light" on black holes...

You hire a coach to point out what they can see from their point of view.

What is their point of view?

That is immaterial. The only thing that matters is that their point of view is not the same as yours, because their eyes (view... get it?) is not behind YOUR eyeballs.

When you are defending what you are doing, you are arguing for staying the same with the exact same results you have gotten thus far.

When you are willing, for a moment, to look and see what the other person is seeing, you are creating the possibility of a future, discontinuous from where your future has headed before this moment.

If my takeaway from this whole 8-week program that cost $1000 were ONLY that I should ask myself a question every time I set up an item on my todo list: "How is this going to make me money?" I would have gotten my money's worth. And more.

Often just asking this question will lead to multiples of that thousand bucks, and I have the opportunity to ask that question 4 times a day!

This is where millionaires are made, in these questions, and in the moments when a coach interferes with your "already always" way of looking at life and doing things.

Your job is to listen and look. And if you are a hotheaded Hungarian/Israeli/New Yorker, like me, you can curse under your breath, but look, nevertheless, and NEVER argue with a coach. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts YOU.

Merry Christmas.
Sophie

Black Friday or how to get yourself into trouble

Hi!

It's Black Friday. Now, don't ask me to tell you why it is called Black Friday: I don't know and I don't want to know.

What I do know is that today I experienced something that you want to hear, you want to learn from, today, and the rest of the year, black, pink red, blue days... any day.

Ok, a little background information: I normally don't read my emails. I normally keep myself walled away in blissful ignorance of what's hot, what I should buy, launches and the like. Not today.

For some reason, maybe because I decided to stay at home, alone, for Thanksgiving, I left myself wide open to the onslaught of marketing messages you probably get every day, including this very day.

I have chosen only two messages to read and follow up, which is not what most people do, and those two messages pushed me into a state that made me intensely curious and made me want to write this blogpost.

I have fallen a "I will never amount to anything" mood. I have fallen into a place, where those marketers have it, and I have nothing. Where all the answers to my problems are out there, with those marketers, and if I don't get it, or even if I do, I am doomed.

Not a pretty picture, is it? Now, if this had happened a year ago, I would have thought that it is personal. Because a year ago I was coaching a few people, but I wasn't in the position to see people, over time, 3-4 times a week, with their moods, with their ambitions and trials and tribulations. Now, I am.

And what I am seeing is that this is normal.

The marketing messages are designed this way. The marketing messages want you to think that "they" have the solution that you need, and that without them you are nothing, a hopeless wannabe, better off burying yourself off into some sandy dune...

Is this new? Probably not entirely new. Probably many of my past purchases have come from this same place: I remember when I spent my rent money on Frank Kern's Mind Control. Or The apprentice program. Or Smarts...

All of them proved to be not so inevitable to my success, in fact they did nothing for me. NOT A THING!

But, of course, this is a lot like gambling: hope is eternal, and you are hoping that this time it will be true, this time it will solve all my problems I didn't know I had.

And that last sentence is really key: skillful copy writing, skillful mind control, will create problems that you didn't know you had so that you can buy the exact solution to that problem that doesn't exist other than in your mind, now that you were told that you have that problem.

Like the "it" factor by Jason Moffat. Like the miracle supplement by Mark Joyner. (These were the two emails I read, uncharacteristically) today.

And, if you buy the solutions (that you won't have time to digest given that you already have 47 solutions that you don't have time to read, watch, listen to, implement) you are out of money, and go deeper into the hole and into hopelessness.

If you don't buy the solution, it gnaws at you until you buy it, or do something to get rid of the "parasite" that attached itself to your gut.

It is not an accident that I am using this parasite analogy: I have two cats that occasionally get a parasite until I rid them off it.

Their behavior is very similar to the behavior these sales practices create in you: craving. Craving something you don't need, only the parasite needs.

When my cats have the parasites, they eat like machines, they yowl all day for more food... food they don't need. Only the paraside nudges them to get more food so the parasite can get bigger, fatter, multipy, and eventually destroy its host.

After I spent my rent money repeatedly, I was out of the game for almost two years... had not money, wasn't in the market to buy every shiny object.

It didn't quite kill me, but almost. I watched the parasite "almost" entering my system today... I caught it, in just a nick of time.

But the real cost is: seeing the solution outside of myself, I stop generating my own actions, and look for the power outside of myself.

When I look at periods in my life when I was successful, I always generated the solutions from within, instead of wasting time researching, learning, etc.

When I was an architect, I looked at the terrain, I looked at the specs, and designed a winning building.

When I was a magazine publisher, I wrote an article from what I knew, designed an ad for an advertiser from what I knew... and life was working, money was coming in, no time was wasted.

When I was coaching someone, when I listened keenly, the solution was there, in the speaking of the client: I didn't have to waste time researching.

When I had money making projects in marketing, I just did it... and tweaked it from what was in front of me.

When I wanted to write an article, I wrote an article... no research, no looking for the power outside of myself.

But when I bought products, and courses, and software: I suddenly assigned magical powers to that piece of stuff and guess what I gave up at the same time? Looking for the power from within, that is the key to actual implementation.

Now, of course, it is important to learn. But the rule I learned along the way has been a winning one: you need a little bit of information, and a lot of implementing, if you want to be successful.

Most people reverse this, and never get out of the gate. And savvy operators, marketers, pry on you when you do that.

I got a taste of that today.

Yes? No? What is the truth about success in Internet Marketing?

You have read my previous post (if not, you should... here is the link) you will appreciate that once you enter a new paradigm, many of the old behaviors and beliefs will show up as a definitive blockages, barriers to fully live and benefit from the paradigm shift.

One could think that to enter the paradigm of success is enough, but my experience with myself and clients has shown that until you start practicing the actions that come from the world-view of the new paradigm, only your "head" will live in the new zone, your body and your circumstances will lag behind.

It's Monday morning, and I have been working on a project for about 3 weeks. A project like this takes 4-5 hours, so why has it been taking so long, for me.

I did a challenge for one of my classes last Tuesday. I started at 9:30 pm, finished and 10:15 pm. There are people in that class that are still working on the same challenge.

I personally and actively helped one of them. As we were on Teamviewer, a client support software, free to use, I had to deal with three things:

  1. the job in front of me, the actual doing,
  2. the job of commentary, so she can turn around and do it herself
  3. the constant chatter of the other student.

I took many hours to complete the task successfully. What was the difference between the 45-minute and the many-hour examples? It was one little thing: when I was doing it for myself, with the intent to win, I kept saying in my head: "Don't think, just follow instructions." It was a yes to doing and no to thinking, wandering, following links, doing unrelated tasks.

When I was doing it for the other student, her constant pull to unrelated questions and activities made the task a marathon instead of a sprint, and I had to stay up till 2 am... which is way past my bedtime.

So, can you guess what I have been doing this 4-hour project I have been attempting (trying) to complete for 3 weeks now? You guessed right: I have been doing everything else remotely connected to this task: logo design, logo redesign, searching for examples, searching for more examples, creating variations, and on and on and on.

Now, why would I do that? That's a real question... I'll give you the answer if you comment on this post. Guess why I've taken three weeks to "almost" complete a 4-hour task? If you guess correctly, I'll give you access to my membership site, www.faststartsecrets.com/members for a whole month for just 1 cent... it's worth hundreds.

OK, go and comment below.

Failure? Consider instead: It doesn't hit the mark

If you wanted to hit a target with a gun, what would you do?

You probably keep on shooting at it until you hit it...

If you were more sophisticated, then you would make sure you track in which direction you missed it... left, right, down or up.

The next shot would be to compensate for the miss... and then after a little while of compensation you would be able to hit the target, reliably, and every time.

What happens if you react to your first miss because someone says... "that's garbage" by becoming depressed, withdrawn, giving up, sulking... however you react other than starting to bracket to find the target with your bullet.

Game is over. Right? Or maybe you are going to do this with another target, miss it, go into the reaction, maybe try a third target... and the story goes on and on.

I want you to be sophisticated, and consider, that no matter what anyone says, missing the target is just that: Missing the target. which should be your clue of starting the process of bracketing, compensating, until you get it right. You may have to do this with anything new you do, but there are only so many new things... and before you know it, you'll be successful.